If Your Team Is Disengaged, Start Looking in the Mirror
If Your Team Is Disengaged, Start Looking in the Mirror
By Jayme Shiarla
Let’s cut through the noise for a second.
If you’re leading people today and you haven’t noticed a disconnect—you’re either not paying attention, or you’re avoiding it.
Employee engagement is plummeting.
Gallup’s 2025 report shows only 21% of employees are fully engaged at work—a 10% drop from last year. For managers, it’s barely better at 27%. Meanwhile, two-thirds of employees say they’re suffering every single day.
They’re calling it The Great Detachment.
And here’s the truth: they’re not wrong.
But let’s stop blaming employees.
The problem isn’t just “lazy workers,” or “Gen Z doesn’t want to work.” That’s lazy leadership talk.
The real problem? Leaders who are emotionally unavailable—and don’t even realize it.
Avoidance in a Suit and Tie
Avoidant patterns don’t just show up in personal relationships. They show up in leadership, too—and we’ve normalized it in the name of professionalism.
We’ve built cultures where:
Busyness is a badge of honor.
“Performance reviews” replace honest conversations.
“I’m fine” is code for “I haven’t felt anything in months.”
Leaders hide behind full calendars, spotless reports, and big presentations. But here’s the kicker: avoidance isn’t always ghosting. Sometimes it looks like over-preparing, over-functioning, and carrying the weight of everyone else because vulnerability feels unsafe.
And while you’re “leading from control,” your team feels the guardedness.
They stop bringing ideas.
They stop asking for help.
They stop trusting you.
Tough truth: you can’t lead what you’re avoiding.
The Hard Question
If you’re a leader reading this, ask yourself:
👉 Are you truly emotionally connected to your people… or are you just performing connection?
Most of my high-performing clients don’t lack strategy. They lack softness. They’ve mastered delegation, scaling, and efficiency—but emotional presence? Not so much.
And here’s the uncomfortable part. From my experience, I've found that many leaders truly want to “care,” but often don’t have the capacity to feel it fully. Not because they don’t value their teams, but because they’ve learned to disconnect from their own emotions in order to cope or keep functioning.
When you’re disconnected from your own emotions, it’s incredibly difficult to offer authentic connection to others. That’s like trying to pour water from an empty cup—you might hand people a glass, but it’s bone dry.
The Cost of Avoidant Leadership
Here’s what it looks like when leaders avoid real connection:
High turnover with no honest conversations about why.
Calendars stacked, but teams still empty.
“Good culture” on paper, but everyone feels alone.
This doesn’t just stay at work, either. Most avoidant leaders carry the same pattern into their personal lives. They give in bursts, then retreat. They follow up inconsistently. They care—but from a safe distance.
And let’s be honest—it’s not because they’re cold. It’s because vulnerability has never felt safe.
So, What Does Connected Leadership Look Like?
It’s not therapy sessions in the boardroom. It’s not oversharing.
It’s emotional integrity.
Connected leaders:
Follow up consistently—not just when they remember.
Ask real questions—not just “How’s the project going?”
Model boundaries and self-awareness.
Make space for discomfort without shutting it down.
Practice presence over performance.
And here’s the sweet part: connection scales. When you show up differently, your team starts to mirror that. Creativity grows. Trust builds. Engagement rises.
The Invitation
Avoidant patterns aren’t random—they’re personal. Most were built long before you ever became a leader. But here’s the good news: they can be rebuilt.
So ask yourself:
Am I truly present—or just productive?
Am I hiding behind leadership strategies to avoid real connection?
What am I afraid will happen if I lead with vulnerability?
If you’re willing to wrestle with those questions, your leadership will evolve—because you will evolve. And your team will feel the shift.
They’ll stop detaching.
They’ll stop suffering in silence.
And they’ll start showing up fully—not out of fear, but out of trust.
Let’s Talk
This month, I’m diving deeper into avoidant leadership and emotional safety in my new YouTube series. It’s not theory—it’s real talk designed to disrupt the patterns keeping leaders stuck.
👉 Watch the series here
👉 Take the Avoidant Leadership Quiz
👉 Schedule Complimentary Discovery Call Here
Because disconnection doesn’t make you a bad leader.
But ignoring it?
That just might.
